How to FAIL Website Projects

Over the years we have completed many projects. So instead of providing you with a list of things not to do we have twisted it around. Here is a list of things to do if you wish to fail your website project... A bit of fun.

The top 10 things to Do, to GUARANTEE your website project FAILS.

• The idea - When you are dreaming and coming up with your ideas, keep them in your head.  You don’t want anyone knowing the ins and outs and the secrets behind your future success.  When your Web Designer asks “What are we building you” don’t tell them.  Simply provide a paragraph or two on a beer soaked napkin and call it a scope of works.  Your Web Designer knows exactly what you want because he can read minds. 
• The Quote - Get your Web Designer to fix the price and ask him to allow room for movement…then screw him on the price. We don’t want any surprises.  They have enough information on the beer soaked napkin to be able to tie down a firm price after all. Anyway when speaking to the sales guy he mentioned he had once completed a website for a chemist in Beaudesert and you’re a pharmaceutical company so they should understand your business and be able to give you the same price too?
• The Plan - The next thing the development team will spring on you is a plan.  They will spend days and days outlining how things will work, look and function. Don’t read it. Or if you are inquisitive at all, take a look just prior to the go live to make sure you are getting what you want at that late stage. If you do go through it and see something not correct then stay silent! I am sure the web designer does not want to be bogged down by clarifications this early in the project.
• Artwork – The fun part! Don’t forget your brother’s daughter’s friend is doing a TAFE course and maybe she can lend a hand?  It should save costs and she has over 2 weeks experience up her sleeve after all.  Perhaps ask for 8 - 10 versions of the artwork.  This way you can swap and change your mind at difference stages throughout development process. This should not delay anything.
• The Build – Disappear.  Why did the developers spend days and days on a Functional Specification? (reminder: must read that). If they ask you a question, wait at least 2 weeks to respond.  They will probably work it out in the meantime anyway. Remember, they understand your business because you provided them with the napkin. Also you had better give them a contact.  Probably best to give them a few contacts and make sure you never discuss the website before you speak to the web designer. That way you can both debate at the meetings and waste heaps time.
• Testing – Now we are talking. Time to get involved.  Hang on? Is this what you wanted?  Where is that idea you had in my head? Never mind maybe they have not finished that bit yet. Keep quiet.
• User Acceptance – Ask yourself – “Was I meant to do anything in that last phase?” I was hoping to see my website? This is it… Okay how does this work?
• Handover – Now is the time to change your mind and start thinking about Artwork, Usability and of course what your competitors are doing.  You’re going to smash them out of business with your amazing website. Don’t forget you still have 2-8 versions of the artwork up your sleeve.  Do you think that logo looks better in red? Just leave it until about now to provide your content. The Web Designer told me I should start getting it ready on day one, but I will knock this off in a night… Now where did I put that document?
  
  Time Rolls On – Budgets Increase
• Read the Functional Specification. How do we do this properly? Maybe we should follow a procedure?  Damn web designers!  It is so hard to find good ones.
• Ask for a refund. They have clearly misunderstood your original request.  Hell you provided them with a full bodied Scope of Works on that napkin and to be honest the window of opportunity has passed.
• Project Fail